Sledge Hammer…. what a show! III

More memorable dialogue

Sledge Hammer: Any calls?
Dori: Three. Two wrong numbers and an offer to cater a Bar Mitzvah. I told them ‘no,’ ‘no,’ and ‘maybe.’
Sledge Hammer: [Noticing Doreau is sporting a Veronica Lake hairstyle] New hairdo?
Dori: Yes. This is what happens when I can’t afford my regular hairdresser.
Sledge Hammer: Just remember, if you don’t look good, we don’t look good.  Nice outfit; now that the first time you look like a real… girl.
Dori: Yeah, if I don’t get my hair fixed, I’ll need a guide dog.
[Blows her hair off her face]

Cliff: “You’re” with the police department?
Sledge Hammer: No no no. No, I “am” the police department.

Sledge Hammer [answering phone at bank robbery standoff] Second National Bank; hostage speaking.
Captain Trunk: Hammer, this is Trunk. Have they hurt anyone?
Sledge Hammer: No.
Captain Trunk: Have you hurt anyone?
Sledge Hammer: Not yet.

Captain Trunk: Hammer, you’re the only man I know who can’t even win gracefully.

Sledge Hammer: [to reporter] I would like to address that particular stereotype if I may. Now, your stereotypical donut is nothing but dough and sugar fried in fat, am I right? Now that fat gums up your arteries and goes to your brain, and you turn liberal. And the next thing you know, Barry Manilow is on the turn-table and you’re not going to work and you’re voting for gun control. You see what I’m saying? You see the connection? That’s why I eat granola.

Captain Trunk: [watching Hammer attach something to the barrel of his gun] Is that a silencer?
Sledge Hammer: No, it’s not a silencer. This little doodad is my own invention. I call it a loudener.

Dori: The terrorist has demanded a million dollars, a private jet and an end to the Star Wars program.
Sledge Hammer: Yeah, three movies was enough.

Thug: This cop said he didn’t have any handcuffs, so he tied me to the front of his car and called me a deer. Then he called me names! He called me ‘Bambi’!
[Sledge enters with reporter]
Thug: Hey! That’s him! That’s the cop!
Reporter: Who’s that?
Sledge Hammer: Oh, just my favorite hood ornament.

Sledge Hammer: Don’t ever touch my hand when I’m going for my gun!

Sledge Hammer [after chasing off a foreign spy/assassin]: Hey, get back here! Don’t you wanna finish the job? You lazy Commie!

Sledge Hammer: Doreau, that was excessively violent and completely unnecessary! I loved it.

Sledge Hammer: (Talking to a class in a delinquent high school) …But at least I know how to read!
Student: Yeah? What’s your favorite book?
Sledge Hammer: War and Peace! The first half.

Sledge Hammer: A cop is a one-man zoo with a gun.

Judge: Sledge Hammer, how do you plead?
Sledge Hammer: I never plead, I usually don’t even ask.

Dori: (finding an important evidence) Look at this! Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Sledge: I don’t know, I’m thinking of invading Afghanistan by my self. What are you thinking?

Dori: Sledge, got great news for you.
Sledge: What, you can finally buy guns in vending machines?

News Reporter: Sir! Sir! Do you think Sledge Hammer is guilty?
Man: Yes, I do.
Dori: Who was that man?
Sledge: My attorney.

And the best one……..

Captain Trunk: Hammer, I’m amazed that you were able to hold out against their brainwashing.
Sledge Hammer: Well, it was easy, sir. I simply thought about one thing.
Captain Trunk: What was that?
Sledge Hammer: Well, who’s always close to my side? Someone I’m afraid I’ve been neglecting lately. Someone for whom I’ve never been able to express my true feelings.
[Dori blushes and smiles as Hammer looks at her]
Sledge Hammer: Someone who’s beautiful. Sleek. Attractive. I think it’s obvious who I’m talking about, sir.
Dori: Oh, Sledge, stop!
Sledge Hammer: [Pulls out gun] My gun.
Captain Trunk: Hammer, you are a truly sensitive guy.
Sledge Hammer: I never thought you’d know that.

 

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