Another quaint character I resemble III

Continuing with the account of a character, whose description and my life have too many parallels…. for the rest of my background, do read the previous posts.

‘I was wondering what the mouse-trap was for,‘ said Alice. ‘It isn’t very likely there would be any mice on the horse’s back.’

‘Not very likely, perhaps,’ said the Knight: ‘but if they DO come, I don’t choose to have them running all about.’

‘You see,’ he went on after a pause, ‘it’s as well to be provided for EVERYTHING. That’s the reason the horse has all those anklets round his feet.’

‘But what are they for?’ Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.

‘To guard against the bites of sharks,’ the Knight replied. ‘It’s an invention of my own. And now help me on. I’ll go with you to the end of the wood—What’s the dish for?’

‘It’s meant for plum-cake,’ said Alice.

‘We’d better take it with us,’ the Knight said. ‘It’ll come in handy if we find any plum-cake. Help me to get it into this bag.’

This took a very long time to manage, though Alice held the bag open very carefully, because the Knight was so VERY awkward in putting in the dish: the first two or three times that he tried he fell in himself instead. ‘It’s rather a tight fit, you see,’ he said, as they got it in a last; ‘There are so many candlesticks in the bag.’ And he hung it to the saddle, which was already loaded with bunches of carrots, and fire-irons, and many other things.

‘I hope you’ve got your hair well fastened on?’ he continued, as they set off.

‘Only in the usual way,’ Alice said, smiling.

‘That’s hardly enough,’ he said, anxiously. ‘You see the wind is so VERY strong here. It’s as strong as soup.’

‘Have you invented a plan for keeping the hair from being blown off?’ Alice enquired.

‘Not yet,’ said the Knight. ‘But I’ve got a plan for keeping it from FALLING off.’

‘I should like to hear it, very much.’

‘First you take an upright stick,’ said the Knight. ‘Then you make your hair creep up it, like a fruit-tree. Now the reason hair falls off is because it hangs DOWN—things never fall UPWARDS, you know.

It’s a plan of my own invention. You may try it if you like.’

It didn’t sound a comfortable plan, Alice thought, and for a few minutes she walked on in silence, puzzling over the idea, and every now and then stopping to help the poor Knight, who certainly was NOT a good rider.

Whenever the horse stopped (which it did very often), he fell off in front; and whenever it went on again (which it generally did rather suddenly), he fell off behind. Otherwise he kept on pretty well, except that he had a habit of now and then falling off sideways; and as he generally did this on the side on which Alice was walking, she soon found that it was the best plan not to walk QUITE close to the horse.

‘I’m afraid you’ve not had much practice in riding,’ she ventured to say, as she was helping him up from his fifth tumble.

The Knight looked very much surprised, and a little offended at the remark. ‘What makes you say that?’ he asked, as he scrambled back into the saddle, keeping hold of Alice’s hair with one hand, to save himself from falling over on the other side.

‘Because people don’t fall off quite so often, when they’ve had much practice.’ (Clue #3)

‘I’ve had plenty of practice,’ the Knight said very gravely: ‘plenty of practice!’

To be continued…

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