“Authors” from Whose Line Is It Anyway? III

Some more examples of Authors from Whose Line Is It Anyway? in which the performers act out a scene furnished by the audience in a variety of authors or literary styles.

Death of a Stand-Up Comic, with Jim Sweeney as Agatha Christie, Steve Steen as Andrew Morton, Paul Merton as Hello! Magazine and Tony Slattery in the style of The Rhyming Couplets of Rupert Bear

Jim: Inspector Throbmorton surveyed the scene. There lay Charlie Chuckles, he was dead. Miss Marple entered the room. “What do you make of it, Miss Marple?” The frail old lady look at him and said, “I’ve still got all me own teeth, me!”

Steve: I stopped him throwing himself down the stairs just at the last moment. It could have been so much bad for him…

Clive (Host): “So much bad for him”?

Steve: That’s Andrew Morton for you!

Paul: As he came down the stairs, the elegant stairs built in the 17th century were not finished until 1958, he caught my eye and I realised he was a man very much in love, him and Di surely have got a marriage made in heaven.

Tony: Rupert spied his trousers on, much nicer they were than Paul Mert-on’s. With this thought in his head he leapt, out of the window then he wept, for he did see along the street, someone who he thought was a bit of a geet!

Jim: “You’re babbling, Miss Marple!” said Throbmorton. “You’re talking in rhyme! What are you talking about?” “I tell…”

Steve: I’ll tell you I was so depressed I threw myself and tried to impale myself on Barbara Cartland’s eyelashes but it just didn’t work…

Paul: Barbara Cartland, can there be a more respected woman in Great Britain…?

Tony: Barbara Cartland, witch and hag, too much make-up, fascist bag!

Clive: Twenty-seven points each there plus a libel suit against Tony from Barbara Cartland’s lawyers.

Day in the Life of a Nursery School, with Jim Sweeney as Lewis Carroll, Steve Steen as Jackie Collins, Tony Slattery as the disembodied head from TV ads for The Sun Newspaper and Mike McShane as Dr. Seuss

Jim: Alice was feeling very flustered. The 5 year olds had just set fire to her feet. It was a perfectly normal Friday but somehow she felt a little stoned. “Don’t bogue up that joint fix” said the caterpillar in the corner. “Pass the dutchie on the left hand side”.

Steve: The caterpillar was called Blanche Du Celery, and she moved into the sunlight, arching her back and moaning slightly, her proud breasts standing out like pink…

Tony: And you can see them on page 3. There’s always more nude caterpillars in the Sun.

Mike: Alice said, beyond belief, “I will not smoke that massive spleef. / That massive spleef is so huge, I feel like riding in your luge”. / And the caterpillar then, he got in and said “My name is Ben. / Get in my louge and I will fly, we’ll fly and then we’ll say goodbye”.

Jim: Alice suddenly had a screaming attack of the munchies, and the 5 year olds had taken away all her chocolate.

Steve: And then two Dutch lorry drivers came in. One was called Truck van Rental, the other was called Hertz van Hire.

Tony: They stood there playing the Alice Bingo Game, which …

Mike: “If the game is done, I’d like to leave, my children have left before me I believe,” / The caterpillar said “You cannot go, we have to go to the planet Schmo”. / So Schmo they went, and Schmo they did, and they found themselves a little kid, / who was part of a group but he was crying, and on his butt were two eggs frying.

To be continued… soon

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