The World’s Worst from Whose Line Is It Anyway? II

Some more of “The World’s Worst” [someone/something]  from Whose Line Is It Anyway? in which the contestants step up on the “world’s worst” stair and give examples on the topic given.

Person auditioning for Romeo and Juliet

Paul: So, uh, this Juliet’s 15 in it, is she?

John: But, soft! What light breaks from yonder window? I’m left looking an arsehole, she’s up there in the window! (buzzer) She goes around in tights, I’m left standing here, and there’s been an eruption!

Jonathan: But how old do you see Romeo as?

John: Oh, I suppose that in 1958, I was doing it last. But I think it’s a way, a way that… (buzzer)

Jonathan: But I see it as a natural progression from everything I’ve been doing. I mean, MacBeth, Hamlet, Lear…

Josie: Oh yes, I think I’d be just right for the part, actually. I mean “Shak-es-peare” is my favorite writer.

John: (sticks ears out) It’s not about being handsome, it’s about being passionate!

Thing to say at a wedding

Josie: He loves me, you know!

Mike: She’s great, huh? (chuckles suggestively)

Paul Rider: Your future wife is ugly!

Greg: Um, does anyone know the vows? ‘Cos I’ve misplaced my papers today…

Mike: I just wanna tell you Lisa, that Tom will be a very good husband. I know.

Josie: Oh, that nylon wedding dress looks lovely. Do you sweat a lot in it?

Greg: God I’m glad to be gettin’ rid of that little bitch, she’s been sponging off me for years!

Mike: You’re wearing that!?

Thing to say or do to someone in hospital at Christmas

Tony: Chief Superintendent, you’ve got some visitors – it’s the Kray twins!

Sandi: We had the most marvelous time, it was such a shame you were banged up, we went to this party, we went to that party, we’ve been so drunk and… erm…

Josie: (as a child) Hello granny, I’ve got a new song! (sings, out of tune as a child) The sun’ll come out tomorrow…

Greg: If you die can I have your presents?

Mike: Hi, how are you feeling? Look, I wanna get a couple of pictures for the kids as you won’t be there for the Christmas party, now smile!

Josie: Awww you’re in traction are you? (pulls on the traction pulley)

Tony: What’s this drip do? (takes drip out and fluid squirts everywhere)

Paul: Yes, I was doctor who operated on you, I seem to have lost a pair of scissors somewhere…

Mike: Hello, my name’s Eric, I’m the Enema Elf, let’s see the South Pole!

Thing to say or do at a funeral

Ron: I don’t know the deceased, but I don’t think that will prevent my duties as vicar from being done here today. So, what was the cat’s name?

Sandi: He was such a nice man, his last words to me were “I’m coming darling!” That was so nice… Oh you’re his wife…

Ron: Mrs. Smithers, er… he owed me £10, if you could see your way clear…

Tony: Dearly beloved, bretheren, ashes to ashes, oh this is too dreary, we’ll do something else. (dances) Yes sir, I can boogie…

Rory: Er, Mrs. Perkins, before your husband plummeted off the 200-foot block of flats, did he mention my Procol Harum album?

Sandi: Hi, I’m from the insurance company, I’m afraid the claim doesn’t look at all good…

Ron: (drunkenly) Happy New Year!

Tony: Mrs. Johnson, I know your husband would have wanted me to tell you that he thought were a faithless, talentless cow!

Rory: Tickets please, tickets please… It’s a what? A funeral! Oh sorry, I thought it was a bus!

Ron: (pops out of the coffin) Surprise! I’m not dead!

Person to be a Superhero

Mike: Don’t worry, Flatulence Man will save you!

Colin: Ah a phone booth! (tries to get into the phone booth but the door is jammed)

Tony: You’re safe, it’s Ballet Man! (does a flying ballet jump)

Sandi: *Squelch* Hello, I’m Incontinence Woman! (crosses eyes)

Colin: Don’t worry, it’s me, Salmon Man! (writhes on the floor like a fish)

Mike: Don’t, feck off! I, Captain Forgetful will help you… Where’s my costume? WHERE’S MY COSTUME!?

Tony: You will not burn down the Forth Bridge! Not faced with Mime-O-Tron! (acts like a bad mime artist)

To be continued….

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