“Authors” from Whose Line Is It Anyway? IV

A few more examples from the Authors game on Whose Line Is It Anyway? where the performers act out a scene prompted by the studio audience, in the style of an author or even a writing style  they chose themselves.

For example, take Death of a Dog at the British Grand Prix with Archie Hahn as Alice Walker, Jonathan Pryce as The diaries of Noël Coward, Paul Merton as Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and  John Sessions as JRR Tolkien.

Archie: Law-la-la the sun wa so hawt! Mista left the dawg with me an’ I tried to take him for a walk. But there wa so many people. So very many people an’ I couldn’t keep track of the dawg…

Jonathan: Monday – so many people, so many people. Binky was there of course, we had lunch. And Coley. Coley was always there, looking divine as usual. We talked a lot about so many people, none of it good. It was a wonderful day.

Paul: I looked down at the lunch and I saw that it was a dead dog. Judging by this dog’s appearance I would say it spent five years in Oxford before it transferred as a GP to the London area. “My God, Holmes!” declared Watson, “How can you possibly know that?”

John: (in an beatnik style) Tom Bombadil, Tom Bombadil, with all your problems shured. Is it not a great sadness that you’ve been driven over by a Matra Ford? There you are on the ground, Tom Bombadil, Tom Bombadil, in his coat of solid yellow…

Archie: Mista come up to me and he say “Where Tom? Where tha’ dog Tom?” Ma just stand there shakin’ ‘cos I fraid’a Mista. He always beat me an’ whup me. He never let me get any mail outta the mailbox, an’ now I gone killed tha dawg!

Jonathan: … Tuesday – Binky was there, carrying a dead dog under his arm.

Paul: “If I’m not mistaken” said Holmes, “we had this dog last week, didn’t we?”

John: Gandalf climed up the mountain and Bodo, the son of Frodo, the Hobo from Yoyo said to him, “No! No! Not a dog, man! Not a dog! Not on top of my Jefferson Airplane albums! Leave ’em alone, man!”

and then,  Annie the Orphan Get Your Rifle with Ron West as Kurt Vonnegut Jr, Sandi Toksvig as Enid Blyton Sr, Tony Slattery as Marquis de Sade – “translated into Norwegian” and Rory McGrath – Desmond Morris III

Ron: Annie was a veteran of the Second World War and had a small house in Manchester, and so consequently was able to travel in time at will. She found herself in the court of Louis XVI. She sat down in a chair and it immediately broke. This put her in trouble with the palace guard.

Sandi: She was in quite a lot of trouble. Yes she had travelled with Will but Will hadn’t got permission from his mother to be out. Well, this looked very bad, so she talked to her dog Timmy. “Hello, Timmy” she said, and then she was arrested for being a bit of a lunatic.

Tony: (slaps himself) Mmmm… Annie, your dog, Timmy, loose yourselves from the conventions of bourgeois morality. Saw your own leg off and hit me with it!

Rory: With an expression like this… (stretches the sides of his mouth and waggles his tongue) …which is very similar to the exotic vaginal display of the blue-fannied baboon of Kutchumpura…

Ron: …Which was so indicative of Annie herself.

Sandi: Annie had never seen a baboon with a blue fanny before.

Tony: Blue no more since it spiralled on my wavering sabre!

Rory: Or the hairy avabluea gorilla which enjoys face-to-face copulation with my ex-wife Marjorie.

To be continued…..

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