The Alphabet Game from Whose Line Is It Anyway? III

 A few more examples of the Alphabet Game from Whose Line Is It Anyway? where two performers have to act out a scene, starting the dialogue from an letter supplied by the audience and go around the alphabet till they reach that letter again. It was fun to see them improvise hurriedly when faced with a difficult letter like Q or X or even they forgot the sequence.

Somebody Being Arrested, with Paul Merton and Julian Clary (starting with A)

Paul: About them drugs you found in me spare garage.

Julian: But what are you trying to say, sir?

Paul: Copper, it’s like this!

Julian: Don’t call me a copper!

Paul: Even though you’ve got ‘Copper’ written on your lapel?

Julian: Five minutes and I’ll take you down the nick.

Paul: Gordon Bennett!

Julian: I thought your name was Harry. Oh, that’s wrong isn’t it? Harry, you’re under arrest!

Paul: I’m under arrest!

Julian: (asks Paul what the next letter is under his breath) Just wait a minute, then I’ll arrest you.

Paul: Keep me here while you arrest me in just a minute? No, I shall scarper! I shall…

Julian: Life. Life’s is what I’m threatening you with, sonny!

Paul: Mother?

Julian: No time for mother now!

Paul: (disappointed) Ohhhhhhh….

Julian: Policeman, that’s what I am!

Paul: (goes through the alphabet in his head while Julian tries to tell him it’s Q) Queen Mother’s good for her age, isn’t she?

Julian: Right that’s it, I’ve had enough! I’m gonna take you in now, to the police station.

Paul: So soon?

Julian: Yep… Terry Marshall looks like you with the lights out.

Paul: Ultra-violet light, probably.

Julian: Violent by nature, aren’t you? I can see it in your eyes.

Paul: Windows of the soul… (Julian struggles to think of a word beginning with X) …wanna see me X-rays?

Julian: Except in special circumstances.

Paul: … Well… Yes.

Julian: Zoo.

Chat Up Scene  with Sandi Toksvig and Toney Slattery (starting with A)

Sandi: Ah! Hello!

Tony: Bloody hell, you’re gorgeous.

Sandi: Cor, he’s not bad!

Tony: Deary me, funny legs!

Sandi: Ever thought of going to a proper tailor?

Tony: Frankly no.

Sandi: Good, cos I quite like your suit.

Tony: Hoorah!.

Sandi: I was just passing, and I wondered if you would like to go out for a coffee?

Tony: Joffé? Did you say Roland Joffé?

Sandi: Koffee! Only it’s Turkish and they spell it with a K.

Tony: Oh, Lumee.

Sandi: My, you’re a nice looking boy.

Tony: Naughty vixen!

Sandi: Oh yes.

Tony: Pretty too!

Sandi: Really?

Tony: … Queer, I am. Never mind. (Sandi nods as she realises she missed the Q)

Sandi: So are all the boys I meet.

Tony: Tony.

Sandi: U.

Tony: Ah! Venereal Disease!

Sandi: Well, wouldn’t you know?

Tony: You? (Sandi makes X sign with hands) Xylophone?

Sandi: Yes, for many years now.

Tony: Zing went the strings of my heart!

And finally,  a Confessional (starting with J)

Jim: Just come in, son, come in and tell us your sins.

Paul: (deep breath) Kevin, my next door neighbour, I buried him up to his neck in sand.

Jim: Let’s see if I’ve got this right – Kevin?

Paul: My, my, yes, that was his name, yes. Kevin, yes.

Jim: No, no, not Kevin!

Paul: Oh yes it was!

Jim: Please don’t tell me it was Kevin!

Paul: Erm… Q?… erm… What word begins with Q?

Clive: “Queue” does! The word “queue” begins with Q!

Paul: Queue! Gardens is where I buried him up to his neck!

Jim: Right, well that’s a terrible sin, there may be no way that I can absolve you.

Paul: Surely Father, there must be something you can do.

Jim: Teddy, I could give you a little teddy! And you could cuddle it, it might make you feel better.

Paul: Urdu. I like your Urdu.

Jim: Very kind of you to say so, thank you very much.

Paul: Er.. Windowlene?

Jim: Xylophones need this to make the look shine better.

Paul: Youngsters know best.

Jim: (after pause) Zee, zee, zee, zee! (presses on his watch) I’m Jimmy Olsen calling Superman! Zee, zee, zee, zee!

Paul: About time too! I wondered when Superman was gonna turn up!

Jim: Big git, Superman!

Paul: Yeah. Er… Chair. Chair. Can you tell me when he’s gonna get here?

Jim: Don’t know but he could be here any minute. Look, there he is!

Paul: Everyone’s looking at up the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

Jim: Frankly I don’t know!

Paul: Good heavens! Look at the way he’s soaring towards us!

Jim: Help! He’s gonna land on our heads!

Paul: Incredibly so!

Jim: Just a minute, I’m off!

Clive: I think I’ll give Jim double points for spelling correctly, and nothing there for Paul.


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