The World’s Worst from Whose Line Is It Anyway? III

And yet some more examples of the “World’s Worst”  [Someone /something]  from Whose Line Is It Anyway? (I have already explained the game previously, so I will not repeat it here).

Person to comfort somebody on their deathbed

Rory: Hello, I’m Desmond Wilcox, we’re filming a documentary…

Archie: Well Mr. Sampson, erm… of course you only have 20 hours to live. Listen, we’d like to ask a favour. Some of the interns need experience in giving an enema. Would you mind…?

John: (American accent) Uncle Jack! It’s Tommy, I’ve come all the way from California, I’m hitching round Europe. Is it okay when you’re dead if I can sleep in your bed ‘cos there’s nowhere to sleep round here, okay?

Jimmy: Well, look on the bright side, Terry – I mean at least you won’t have to watch England in the next bleedin’ World Cup, will ya?

John: (Mimics tickling the patient) Are you ticklish? You’re ticklish aren’t ya? I bet you are!

Rory: David Johnson, BBC News. How does it feel to be dying?

John: You haven’t seen Star Wars? Oh well, Ben Kenobi, erm, arrives back on the planet…

Jimmy: I bet you feel stupid about being a bloody atheist now, don’t you eh?

John: (Irish accent) One last song before you die – (sings) I met a girl who sang a song that had ninety-five verses to go!

Archie: Look, I know with male chauvinism and all that, how men aren’t supposed to be able express themselves emotionally, well… I just wanted to tell you that… I (chokes)… I think you’re a son of a bitch! You took every chance I had away!

Rory: So don’t forget… If you ever need life insurance, here’s the card!

Jimmy: Fuck me, you look terrible!

Person to sit next to on a plane

Josie: We’re going to crash, we’re going to crash, we’re gonna crash!

Colin: (looks suspiciously) Tick, tick, tick, tick…

Josie: Let’s see how long it takes to suck out boiled sweets.

Greg: (drunk) I’ve been drinking with the pilot for hours.

Ryan: Some guy’s been drinking with me for hours!

Colin: (pukes in barf bag after bag)

Greg: Hey. You ever been to Cuba before?

Colin: (pretends to open window and stick his head out)

Ryan: I’ve got lots of margarine down my pants!

Josie: Poem number 80…

Ryan: (old) You know, I used to build these things.

Colin: (singing) Luck be a lady tonight, everybody! Luck be a lady tonight…

Person to visit you in the hospital

Brad: What are all these hoses for?

Ryan: Uh, I’m not sure, but I think you’re going to have to leave your sickle outside.

Greg: Here, Grandpa, have some hard candy.

Colin: So your wife’s home all alone?

Brad: I’ve put a lovely lace doily on your bedpan.

Ryan: Uh, Phil, what are you going to be doing with your stereo?

Greg: What do you think of this epitaph?

Brad: My dad died of the same thing.

Colin: About that ten bucks you owe me…

Ryan: Uh, I work for the airlines. Could we have the food you’re not finished with?

Greg: Time for your sponge bath.

Person to audition for Hamlet

Mike: (as a stand-up comic) Hey-hey! Alright, here’s one! The king comes in you know, he’s been sleeping with his mother, and it really upset…

Jim: I think it needs some lightening up, maybe Hamlet could have a song (sings) Oh, to be, to be or not to be, that is the question…

Steve: Is it set in Denmark, ’cause I don’t have a passport?

Tony: (very camp) I’m Danny La Rue, I’ve been in the business forty years!

Mike: Here, just let me get the tights on, Frank, woah! (falls over)

Jim: Basically, he’s a man on the edge. I know how he feels… (twitches, then giggles manically)

Steve: (Spanish accent) ¡Si, my contract with Eldorado has just finished!

Steve: (as John Major) To be or not to be? That’s a good question, a fair question and one which I intend to deal with..

(And to my mind, the very best…..)

Tony: Tobe, or not tobe…

 And finally the

Person to be President of the world in an intergalactic crisis

Tony: (imitating Jimmy Krankie) Ohh Fandabidozi!

Rory Bremner: (imitating Ronald Reagan) Will you give me another go?

Tony: Ladies and gentlemen, Richard Nix… oh dear!

Clive: Topical now, it’ll be great in six months time…

Mike: Would you trade this universe for a big box powder?

Rory: (imitating Nick Ross) At 10 o’clock last night, the universe was destroyed. Were you in the area?

Josie: (northern accent) Would anybody like a cup of tea?

Rory: (imitating Clive) All right, so I’d like you to form a government in the sort of, erm, in the style of, erm, well something, erm…

Tony: The universe is facing a time of crisis. Now, with the opportunity to learn some very basic jazz dance! (dances across the stage)

To be continued….

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