And yet some more examples of the “World’s Worst” [Someone /something] from Whose Line Is It Anyway? (I have already explained the game previously, so I will not repeat it here).
Person to comfort somebody on their deathbed
Rory: Hello, I’m Desmond Wilcox, we’re filming a documentary…
Archie: Well Mr. Sampson, erm… of course you only have 20 hours to live. Listen, we’d like to ask a favour. Some of the interns need experience in giving an enema. Would you mind…?
John: (American accent) Uncle Jack! It’s Tommy, I’ve come all the way from California, I’m hitching round Europe. Is it okay when you’re dead if I can sleep in your bed ‘cos there’s nowhere to sleep round here, okay?
Jimmy: Well, look on the bright side, Terry – I mean at least you won’t have to watch England in the next bleedin’ World Cup, will ya?
John: (Mimics tickling the patient) Are you ticklish? You’re ticklish aren’t ya? I bet you are!
Rory: David Johnson, BBC News. How does it feel to be dying?
John: You haven’t seen Star Wars? Oh well, Ben Kenobi, erm, arrives back on the planet…
Jimmy: I bet you feel stupid about being a bloody atheist now, don’t you eh?
John: (Irish accent) One last song before you die – (sings) I met a girl who sang a song that had ninety-five verses to go!
Archie: Look, I know with male chauvinism and all that, how men aren’t supposed to be able express themselves emotionally, well… I just wanted to tell you that… I (chokes)… I think you’re a son of a bitch! You took every chance I had away!
Rory: So don’t forget… If you ever need life insurance, here’s the card!
Jimmy: Fuck me, you look terrible!
Person to sit next to on a plane
Josie: We’re going to crash, we’re going to crash, we’re gonna crash!
Colin: (looks suspiciously) Tick, tick, tick, tick…
Josie: Let’s see how long it takes to suck out boiled sweets.
Greg: (drunk) I’ve been drinking with the pilot for hours.
Ryan: Some guy’s been drinking with me for hours!
Colin: (pukes in barf bag after bag)
Greg: Hey. You ever been to Cuba before?
Colin: (pretends to open window and stick his head out)
Ryan: I’ve got lots of margarine down my pants!
Josie: Poem number 80…
Ryan: (old) You know, I used to build these things.
Colin: (singing) Luck be a lady tonight, everybody! Luck be a lady tonight…
Person to visit you in the hospital
Brad: What are all these hoses for?
Ryan: Uh, I’m not sure, but I think you’re going to have to leave your sickle outside.
Greg: Here, Grandpa, have some hard candy.
Colin: So your wife’s home all alone?
Brad: I’ve put a lovely lace doily on your bedpan.
Ryan: Uh, Phil, what are you going to be doing with your stereo?
Greg: What do you think of this epitaph?
Brad: My dad died of the same thing.
Colin: About that ten bucks you owe me…
Ryan: Uh, I work for the airlines. Could we have the food you’re not finished with?
Greg: Time for your sponge bath.
Person to audition for Hamlet
Mike: (as a stand-up comic) Hey-hey! Alright, here’s one! The king comes in you know, he’s been sleeping with his mother, and it really upset…
Jim: I think it needs some lightening up, maybe Hamlet could have a song (sings) Oh, to be, to be or not to be, that is the question…
Steve: Is it set in Denmark, ’cause I don’t have a passport?
Tony: (very camp) I’m Danny La Rue, I’ve been in the business forty years!
Mike: Here, just let me get the tights on, Frank, woah! (falls over)
Jim: Basically, he’s a man on the edge. I know how he feels… (twitches, then giggles manically)
Steve: (Spanish accent) ¡Si, my contract with Eldorado has just finished!
Steve: (as John Major) To be or not to be? That’s a good question, a fair question and one which I intend to deal with..
(And to my mind, the very best…..)
Tony: Tobe, or not tobe…
And finally the
Person to be President of the world in an intergalactic crisis
Tony: (imitating Jimmy Krankie) Ohh Fandabidozi!
Rory Bremner: (imitating Ronald Reagan) Will you give me another go?
Tony: Ladies and gentlemen, Richard Nix… oh dear!
Clive: Topical now, it’ll be great in six months time…
Mike: Would you trade this universe for a big box powder?
Rory: (imitating Nick Ross) At 10 o’clock last night, the universe was destroyed. Were you in the area?
Josie: (northern accent) Would anybody like a cup of tea?
Rory: (imitating Clive) All right, so I’d like you to form a government in the sort of, erm, in the style of, erm, well something, erm…
Tony: The universe is facing a time of crisis. Now, with the opportunity to learn some very basic jazz dance! (dances across the stage)
To be continued….