2010, The Year of the Inevitable Realisation, has finally gone and with it a most tumultous decade which saw great changes for me but then I don’t think this is the correct place and time to review them… maybe sometime later. Here what is needed is a statement of expression of my likely course of action in 2011.
As I said, given what 201o was, there will be changes in this year. From my side that is since I do not have any power, and more important, any inclination to compel change in anyone else. They can continue to do what they want but the only thing is that my response will be different….. I will not swerve from my values, my mores and norms, save for the fact I will be slightly more circumspect in advance to contact. Earlier, I was ready to take 99 steps if the other took one (or for that matter, even announced – express or implied – the intention of taking one). This shall no longer be the case. But being what I am, I do not stick to parity (as it is my considered opinion, that no one can approach my stature) but something of the order of 60-40, well lets not be niggardly …. hmmm, I think 75-25 will suffice… But it will all depend on you all to initiate contact…. I will certainly not expend
any mo .. I think you all would get the point
Well, thats that. It seems in order to compare the situation now with the beginning of 2010. Then, there was a rift with a close friend, and the intentions of at least half a dozen more were increasingly nebulous…. Now, that particular rift has been surmounted but still…. two more close friends are getting distant – but I can understand due to the additional responsibilities for both of them, links with another one I deem another close friend are on an even keel, another one has also chosen to distance themself without any explanation and one more seems to be happier in a new clique. Of the others, who do not seem entitled to this particular sobriquet… well I will only say (I think I read it in some book somewhere but cannot remember which … and in the order it may appear in a work on me, :“and it was then that V~ recognising the tenuous nature of the links between him and them, was careful not to put any strain on the links”…. or words to that effect….
But what was most suprising was the distancing – abrupt and inexplicable – by someone who I had always looked up to, and even expressed the sentiment many times, and who most of the time had recognised the special links. Well, times change and we change with the times….. I will only wish you, A~~ all the very best ever and will be always ready to respond if you get in touch ever again.
As I write this, I am reminded of a snatch of a poem by a most gifted man that amply encapsulates what I am trying to express… I think I should bring it before you…
The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying over head—
There were no birds to fly.
In short, there is nothing left that will shock me any more after the defection of some of those I had never expected such a particular course of action from… I may be woefully short of companionship in 2011 but I don’t care much… I have this, my books and my language ventures to keep me occupied.
And then, we must see what my paths lie for us in the coming year…. Like the celebrated general and politician of classical antiquity (and one of my heroes) said at the verge of a major epoch – not only for him but his country and society: “Let the dice fly high” (not “The die is cast” as is believed.)
And on that note, I end.