Do manzar ‘Baqra Qiston Pay’ se

Kuch raat pehle maine bahut arrse ke baad ek tanz-o-mizaah ka behtareen numaish dekha. Haala ke ise main apni jawaani mein dekh chuka tha lekin aab dekh kar use mukhtalif pehlu ab aur gehrai se samaj aaye.

Yeh tha stage show ‘Baqra Qiston Pay’, jis mein mukhtalif kirdar Prof Nizami (Umar Sharif), unki begum, unki teen betiyan, unke teen ashiq jis mein se ek padosi Mirza ke sahibzade hai, Prof sahab ke sasur, unki cousin jo adakara hai, aur naukar Sharfu hai… Aur bhi log hai lekin abhi un se hame matlab nahi…

Berhaal, yeh manzar dekhiye. Prof sahab ko kuch bhoolne ki bimari hai aur ek din woh Mirza ke ghar mein ghus kar unki begum ko apni samajh lete hai. Khafa hokar Mirza ke unke ghar unhe khabardar karne aata hai….

Ab is mein Prof sahab ke haazir-jawaabi aur shayri par khayalat ka lutf uthayen….. Baki baatein baad mein

Mirza: Ham bhi shair hai

Nizami: Hah

Mirza: Aaj tumhe shayri mein zaleel karenge

Nizami: Yaar tum aaj yeh shauq bhi pura kar lo, jitni shayri aati hai tumhe. Main koi shayar nahi hoon phir bhi tumhe pitunga

Mirza: Arz kiya hai

Nizami: Arz kiya yehi halat huyi. Dar gaya aur arz kar riya hai

Mirza (with folded hands): Arre sun le mere baap

Nizami: Shut Up! Ke jo yeh ilzaam hamaare pe lagaya

Mirza: Arz kiya hai ke Ab agar aap..

Nizami: Yeh shayari ho rahi hai?

Mirza: Ji

Nizami: Achcha bolo

Mirza: Ab agar aap hamaare ghar chedne aayenge
              Ab agar aap hamaare ghar chedne aayenge
              Tere ghar ke saamne ek ghar banayenge
              Teri biwi, teri biwi……

Nizami: Ko behn banayenge

Mirza (spooked but regains composure and continues): Teri biwi, teri beti,
                                             Teri biwi, teri beti ko chedne ke liye
                                             Bahar se gunde layenge aur gundagardi karvayenge
                                             Tere ghar ke saamne

Nizami (nods): Aap jo…. jawaab sun lo
                       
   Aap jo ghar hamare ghar ke saamne banvayenge
   Lekar bulldozer ham tera woh ghar hi girvayenge
   Banayenge us pe disco centre aur Angrezi dance karvayenge
   Juaa hoga wahan aur satte ka adda ham wahan chalayenge
   Charas ham bechenge aur naujawan nasl ko heroin ham pilayenge
   Aur us par lagayenge kisi siyasi party ka jhanda
   Aur us jhande ki arh mein khub kamayenge, khub kamayenge, khub kamayenge

Mirza: Yeh koi sher hai?

Nizami: Abay jo chal gaya wohi sher hai

Mirza: Achcha tum bade professor ho, bahut bade professor ho, badi kitabein padi hai….

Nizami: Abay, shayri ke liye kitabein nahi padhi jaati, bawle. Busein padho, rikshe padho, truck padho… truck padho us par sab se achche sher hote hai.

Mirza: To batao ke is sher mein shayar ne kis taraf ishara kiya hai

Nizami: Kaunse sher mein

Mirza: Is sher mein: ‘Sang har shakhs ne haath mein utha rakha hai..’

Nizami: Abay, ek hi ilaqa hai jis taraf ishara kiya hai

Mirza: Kaunsa?

Nizami: Ek hi ilaqa hai jahan ‘Sang har shakhs ne haath mein utha rakha hai..’ Lalukhet aur kaun sa. Shayar wahi ke liye keh riya hai. ‘Sang har shakhs ne haath mein utha rakha hai..’ Abay Lalukhet ke liye bole apan to wahan rahe hai. Abhi bole to paanch minute mein keh de to Lalukhet par ghazal bolun

Mirza: Ijazat hai

Nizami: Ghazal bolun?

Mirza: Ijazat hai

Nizami: Mar jaiyo doob ke agar puri ghazal bol di.

Mirza: Theek hai

Nizami: Theek hai. Lo suno. Sang har shakhs ne haath mein utha rakha hai

             Sang har shakhs ne haath mein utha rakha hai
             Aur sarkar ne bina wajah police ko wahan bitha rakha hai

             Kahe ab to

             Hitler bhi Lalukhet ko dekhne ka tamannai hai
             Lalukhet waalon tumne kitna naam kama rakha hai

            Sang har shakhs ne haath mein utha rakha hai

             Aur Lalukhet ki azeem khwateen ke liya keh raha hoon

             Azeem hai Lalukhet ki mai-behne jinhon ne
             Apne bachchon ko morche mein bitha rakha hai

             Sang har shakhs ne haath mein utha rakha hai

             Ab aap ke liye arz kiya hai

Mirza:   Mere liye?

Nizami: Ji

Mirza:   Wah

Nizami:  Kha ke….
        
              Kha ke jo kulfi phainka kisi ne zehn se tinka
              Uski amma ne uska naam Mirza rakha hai

               Aur aapki ghar ki report jaari karta hoon

               Hai aajkal mohalle mein afwaah garam
               Bhayi tumhari biwi ne tumhe bhai bana rakha hai

              Sang har shakhs ne haath mein utha rakha hai

 Jaari rahega….

 

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